Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

Yale law school professor and author Amy Chua wrote a book comparing Western child rearing and Chinese child rearing, detailing her own experiences and practices in her book, Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother.  (See article here)  She talks about how Chinese parenting is superior and produces successful, accomplished disciplined children.  Some of the things her daughters were not allowed to do growing up include:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama 
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

She defends her practices saying that because Chinese parents operate on the basis that they believe their children are capable of any and everything, that they are allowed to be relentlessly demanding and critical in a way that Western parents would consider abusive.  Meanwhile Western parents, who are so preoccupied with not damaging their children's self-esteem, operate from the theory that their children are NOT capable of performing certain tasks.

While most American parents might find this self-proclaimed TIGER MOM a little (or very much) over the top, we can all admit that having high expectations are not such a bad thing and that each culture, East and West, could learn a little bit from each other, perhaps. 

Married Vs. Single Moms-- Who Has The Better Deal?

A NYTimes article reflects on a poll a few years ago by BabyTalk magazine polling moms with the question:  Married (or, otherwise, committed) or single moms: Who has the better deal?  Interestingly enough, some of the positives that single moms noted were:

Not having to fight about to raise the kids.

Not having to work on a marriage in addition to raising the children

Feeling more free to pursue your own dreams

One of the biggest negatives, however, included dealing with the persistent social stigma-- or people's stereotypes of an unwed or single mom which may not be true (under-educated, irresponsible, etc.)

As for married moms, some of the negatives that you might expect only single moms to face (loneliness, overwhelmed) affected them as well.  Many married mothers find themselves doing the lion's share of child rearing, find themselves sacrificing their personal dreams/goals and may feel very mentally and emotionally alone.

So who is to say who has the better deal?  Married women, who have the 'benefit' of social acceptance and social approval, but who may have the added burden of unequal duties, personal sacrifices and/or loneliness within a marriage?  Or single women who may have more freedom to pursue their personal goals and initiatives, but lack the financial, social (and perhaps, emotional) benefits of being married?

The NY Times article concluded with the question, which I found quite poignant:
If you are raising a child on your own, is the grass always greener on the married side? And if you share parenting with a partner, do you sometimes wish it was only you?


Hmmmmm....

What's Your Celebrity Mommy Style?

From Babycenter.com :
"Are you a laid-back, go-with-the-flow momma like Kate Hudson? A hands-on mom like Jennifer Garner? Maybe you're an edgy rocker-type like Gwen Stefani. Or maybe you're expecting your first and aren't sure what mom style you'll call your own. Take the quiz below to find out more about your mommy style — and which famous moms you jibe with."


I took this quiz.  Not surprisingly (being the complex nerd/hippie/diva chick that I am), it revealed that my mothering style is firmly between three styles:

• All-American like celebrity moms Reese Witherspoon, Keri Russell and Jennifer Garner.
• Posh posh posh like Victoria Beckham, Katie Holmes and Kimora Lee Simmons.
• Learning the ropes like Nicole Richie, Halle Berry and Jessica Alba. 

Take the quiz and find out YOUR mommy style.  Who knows?  It might inspire a mommy makeover or you could firmly decide you've got the mommy style thing in the bag!